I was asked the question.
I have been asked it before but this time I knew 5 year old female child was serious
So I asked a questions back "Do you want to know all the details or some of the details"
"Oh only half the details Mum"
"Ok well a man has sperm and the woman has the egg and they need to come together to make a baby."
"Well how do they meet, the man and woman?"
And then I got it, the question wasn't about how babies are made at all. It was about how one meets a partner to make babies. So this is what I said:
If you carry on with doing, what you love you will meet someone who loves what you do as they are on the same or similar path. Daddy and I met because I was travelling the world, at the time working on boats and he was doing the same thing. Then Daddy and I got talking, lots of talking and we wanted the same thing for the future too. Grandad and Grandma met because they were living and working in North Queensland in the same place. Grandad had been travelling the world and loved this part of the Australian coast and had already decided he wanted to stop for a while and settle down for a bit.
The next part of the story I was telling went along the lines of knowing someone is "the one" when you feel that connection and feel they will support you, nurture you and love you enough to want to do the same for any children that come along through you.
I have to admit I felt a little inadequate, how did I really know? Did I really consciously make this choice and am I telling the right story to someone so young so vulnerable so unknowing? When I talked to hubby he asked me to "rate myself", know that she is asking that question of the right person, her mother who she loves trusts and is truly asking the question because of this.
Upon reflection I felt honoured and humbled. It is a beautiful thing to be the window through to possibilities for the future, to be the knowledge base by which one creates their own path.
She is such a empathic, caring, kind, considerate individual, this five year old who came through me. I truly feel honoured to simply be her mother and have the opportunity to relearn all these traits when I see them being played out in such a pure form xx
Monday, 3 March 2014
Wednesday, 12 February 2014
And "they" said I couldn't write :)
I am coming out of a cloud of judgment, should's, have too's achievement, money desires, blah blah blah......
Why is this important for me to change, because I see the light to a different place, one of connection, deep relationships, understanding, unconditional LOVE, being authentic and feeling true feelings for all their ups and downs.
Where does it start? Right here within me, only I can do this, only I can make the changes, follow through with threads of despair, delve deep into that hole of darkness to recognise that all I need is to see ME, really LOVE who I am and therefore have the resources and LOVE for all that is......its a beautiful thing, one that still becomes elusive at times.....
How does it happen? By being still, really feeling, really listening, breathing slowly deeply.....understand, breathe, hear, breathe listen, breathe, touch, breathe, smell breathe, go deep within.....
What for? For a better life, one of freedom from the constraints and limitations thrust upon me from generations before, one that doesn't require any material things, one that doesn't see the world in compartments, one that doesn't see the world as separation and competition.
LIFE
FREEDOM
TOGETHERNESS
ONENESS
LOVE is all there is......LIVE THIS and great things happen xx
....and I was told (by those that know;))all through school, all through university that I couldn't spell and I couldn't write......so I AM!
Why is this important for me to change, because I see the light to a different place, one of connection, deep relationships, understanding, unconditional LOVE, being authentic and feeling true feelings for all their ups and downs.
Where does it start? Right here within me, only I can do this, only I can make the changes, follow through with threads of despair, delve deep into that hole of darkness to recognise that all I need is to see ME, really LOVE who I am and therefore have the resources and LOVE for all that is......its a beautiful thing, one that still becomes elusive at times.....
How does it happen? By being still, really feeling, really listening, breathing slowly deeply.....understand, breathe, hear, breathe listen, breathe, touch, breathe, smell breathe, go deep within.....
What for? For a better life, one of freedom from the constraints and limitations thrust upon me from generations before, one that doesn't require any material things, one that doesn't see the world in compartments, one that doesn't see the world as separation and competition.
LIFE
FREEDOM
TOGETHERNESS
ONENESS
LOVE is all there is......LIVE THIS and great things happen xx
....and I was told (by those that know;))all through school, all through university that I couldn't spell and I couldn't write......so I AM!
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Acknowledge, Accept, Allow
I acknowledge where I am in this moment
I accept where I am in this moment
I allow things to flow as they will in this moment.....
Some long held beliefs have been bugging me
* Making money is important
* Creating BIG change in many people is important
* Helping others is important
* Multitasking is possible
So I have been feeling them, sitting with them and now writing about them to see what transpires. Making money is NOT important for me, allowing abundance to flow, YES, and this happens when blockages are released and intentions are set in line with core values. Money simply comes and goes along with happiness, sadness.......and ALL the many areas of being human. Money is energy, it is not needed by itself, it comes with positive vibes of living a life from my own inner truth.
Creating BIG change in others lives I no longer believe IS possible. The only way I can create change is by being myself, delving deep within to reach for the authentic me, from this comes inner change and others may suit these ideas , see and hear a position they agree with others may not. Individuals choose the change they need in their lives.
Helping others is important YES as long as I am in alignment with the moment. I need to balance my energy, listen to my body and its needs and helping others will come naturally as we humans love each others company (well mostly :))
Multitasking is possible, no longer feels right for me. It still happens in my life for sure, with two small people and a myriad of projects on the go. I simply, in this moment believe it is difficult to do justice to any one thing if i am juggling a few things.....
So what does this look like for my reality?
Learning more about how abundance energy looks like for me, living more sustainably and not feeling tied to the "system" and all the obligations this brings. Looking at needs versus wants and motivation behind wants. Listening to my inner truth and wisdom, knowing that my truth will bring what ever it brings as long as I follow my heart great things happen in the form of special moments that I can only appreciate by living in the moment and focussing on the present happening. Whether that be doing the dishes to keep order in our home, or working with a group of children on a project, cooking a nourishing meal or gardening to create the food for our meals. Knowing what I love to do and doing it, taking a rest when my body asks, connecting to nature in a way that nourishes my soul xx
I accept where I am in this moment
I allow things to flow as they will in this moment.....
Some long held beliefs have been bugging me
* Making money is important
* Creating BIG change in many people is important
* Helping others is important
* Multitasking is possible
So I have been feeling them, sitting with them and now writing about them to see what transpires. Making money is NOT important for me, allowing abundance to flow, YES, and this happens when blockages are released and intentions are set in line with core values. Money simply comes and goes along with happiness, sadness.......and ALL the many areas of being human. Money is energy, it is not needed by itself, it comes with positive vibes of living a life from my own inner truth.
Creating BIG change in others lives I no longer believe IS possible. The only way I can create change is by being myself, delving deep within to reach for the authentic me, from this comes inner change and others may suit these ideas , see and hear a position they agree with others may not. Individuals choose the change they need in their lives.
Helping others is important YES as long as I am in alignment with the moment. I need to balance my energy, listen to my body and its needs and helping others will come naturally as we humans love each others company (well mostly :))
Multitasking is possible, no longer feels right for me. It still happens in my life for sure, with two small people and a myriad of projects on the go. I simply, in this moment believe it is difficult to do justice to any one thing if i am juggling a few things.....
So what does this look like for my reality?
Learning more about how abundance energy looks like for me, living more sustainably and not feeling tied to the "system" and all the obligations this brings. Looking at needs versus wants and motivation behind wants. Listening to my inner truth and wisdom, knowing that my truth will bring what ever it brings as long as I follow my heart great things happen in the form of special moments that I can only appreciate by living in the moment and focussing on the present happening. Whether that be doing the dishes to keep order in our home, or working with a group of children on a project, cooking a nourishing meal or gardening to create the food for our meals. Knowing what I love to do and doing it, taking a rest when my body asks, connecting to nature in a way that nourishes my soul xx
Monday, 13 January 2014
A New Era
We moved country, from Australia to New Zealand July 2013. I left behind a strong group of SelfDesigning, home learning families with an intention of starting a new group here in New Zealand to join on this journey of living and learning together. It didn't take long to generate interest as we already had a network of friends from our previous stint in NZ and being 'like minded' some were interested in home learning with their children.
The group has stayed small with four families and this got me thinking how can this community of learners look for us. After establishing a facebook page called Taranaki Learners (named after the province we live) which at the time of this writing has nearly 50 members, I noticed that apart from those signed up to SeflDesign Learning Circle no one else was ready to take the leap and leave school behind or not use the system.
As creating a community of Learners has been something I have been thinking about for a few years, and felt very passionate about, this seemed like a great opportunity to go for it! So what was stopping me from creating a community of learners? Yes a nearly three year old still needs a little more time, though nearly 6 year old wanted playmates closer to her age everyday. Delving deeper the fears came up, not being good enough, not "succeeding", not being heard and seen to have something of value to give. Processing that by acknowledging, accepting and allowing these feelings to be I am able to move on with renewed excitement for life as we begin this new era of learning as a group.
I am being in a place of no expectation and open to possibility by setting clear intentions knowing that these are open to change with the needs of the group, all ages having the same input.
We start tomorrow using SelfDesign tools and the framework at our core, I am so very excited at the same time feeling present, centred and balanced in the knowledge that what ever unfolds it is the process and each moment that is to be relished and enjoyed what ever emotions this brings up for me.......the rainbow of life xx
The group has stayed small with four families and this got me thinking how can this community of learners look for us. After establishing a facebook page called Taranaki Learners (named after the province we live) which at the time of this writing has nearly 50 members, I noticed that apart from those signed up to SeflDesign Learning Circle no one else was ready to take the leap and leave school behind or not use the system.
As creating a community of Learners has been something I have been thinking about for a few years, and felt very passionate about, this seemed like a great opportunity to go for it! So what was stopping me from creating a community of learners? Yes a nearly three year old still needs a little more time, though nearly 6 year old wanted playmates closer to her age everyday. Delving deeper the fears came up, not being good enough, not "succeeding", not being heard and seen to have something of value to give. Processing that by acknowledging, accepting and allowing these feelings to be I am able to move on with renewed excitement for life as we begin this new era of learning as a group.
I am being in a place of no expectation and open to possibility by setting clear intentions knowing that these are open to change with the needs of the group, all ages having the same input.
We start tomorrow using SelfDesign tools and the framework at our core, I am so very excited at the same time feeling present, centred and balanced in the knowledge that what ever unfolds it is the process and each moment that is to be relished and enjoyed what ever emotions this brings up for me.......the rainbow of life xx
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Children and Choice
Children arrive
in this world perfect in every way and every single one is different, as we all
have unique gifts to share with the world. They are a bundle of reliance on us
as the parent and they know it is perfect. Being nurtured and cared for every
minute is how it is going to be, why would they feel otherwise, born into this
place with such loving caring parent/s.
Then we f*** it
up for them. We start telling them right from the start how it is going to be,
we start telling them what the world looks like and behaves like, we start
telling them what is expected of them. Just like what was done to us right from
the start and just like that voice in our head tells us……expectation,
judgement, guilt, shame.
Why oh why do
that, can’t we leave this child, brand new to the earthside world in their pure
understanding of perfection? Can’t we leave them believing they have it all and
everything is possible?
The one who is a daughter
to me, when just gone 3 years old said “Why not?” I had no real authentic
reason to respond to that! So then I made a conscious CHOICE to say YES to it
all.
Yes life is
perfect just the way it is, yes we have everything we need right here right
now, yes you can have that chocolate for breakfast, yes we can go to the park
right now, yes you can stay up until you are ready for sleep, yes you can watch
that tv show for the tenth time…..yes yes yes. Why could I say yes to all these
things because we have a CHOICE, it is their choice for the taking and my
choice to support and advocate for both my daughters to have what ever they
need in their experience in the moment.
And guess
what…….the world didn’t blow up in my face because I was a bad mother, in fact
the children started to respond to the yes’s by being much happier and more fun
to be around, I started to become more happy and fun to be around! We started
to feel this (for me) new found freedom and explore the world in ways I didn’t
know was possible. I was learning a whole new way to be in this world that they
already knew and I LOVE it! We were learning every moment, every moment being
an opportunity for growth and learning. I feel energized, free and liberated.
Freedom to choose
is living life to its fullest, why do we take this away from children right at
the get go. What makes them so different to us in their capabilities to make
choices? Even if they are a little unsure or unthoughtful in their choices how
else are they going to learn this basic human trait if they haven’t been given
their full right to exercise their brain, body and soul in this area. Isn’t it
up to us to guide them with our more extended knowledge and then allow them to
forge their own path?
If you hold on to
any power over in your relationship with your child by choosing for them there
will be repercussions in the form of rebellion, addiction, hatred, fear……who
wants that?
So here we are
giving ourselves the choice to do anything we want anytime we want……..so how
does that look without their being a whole lot of crazy repercussions.
I am also being a
role model for balance, choosing predominantly food that is going to nourish me
and encouraging them with what this can look like, I choose to balance between
outdoor active fun and indoor time with technology rest and sleep, I choose to
challenge myself to use my brain and think outside the box for inner growth and
expansion, I choose to nourish my soul by giving myself the time or activities
I need to live in a place of thrival, I choose to ask for help and support when
needed to move through challenges that are faced, I choose to be grateful for
what I have in this moment and see the abundance everywhere.
Friday, 14 June 2013
Awakening
Its happening I am here right now feeling alive and present in my aliveness and possibilities for adventure in each moment.
Why? and How? Because it is so much easier to make my decision and choices in each moment when I am aware of what matters most.
What? LOVE that is all that matters, it is simple! Come from a place of love and from your heart and the choice for each action or thought comes naturally and easily. If you are not sure how to do this , stay very still, listen and observe your breathing, slow it down, feel your heart then you will know what needs to be done next in each moment and all is great :) Relationships will be deeper with more meaning, connections will remain strong and loving, creations will be imaginative and inspiring!
This moment I felt the need to write, I want to share my journey towards Self Love and Love of all that is because by doing this I am validating who I am and not hiding, thinking no one would want to hear me go on about MY life.....this is not about me we are all connected every thing we do is for each other and the earth. If you can't imagine that think of the children step into their shoes and look at yourself, is this what you want them to be seeing? They see us all of us, thought and action!
Now I am beginning to understand the impact ALL my actions and thoughts have I can begin to really take RESPONSIBILITY for myself and part of that is going to mean sharing this journey from being born into a family of school teachers intrenched in the system, to becoming a school teacher, and then breaking free and moving towards really being MYSELF and not answering to or looking for answers from anyone else and knowing that especially institutions and systems are not a place for finding who I am. I am so grateful for where I have come from as this is also me at the same time it has given me the contrast of what I want to move away from and understanding of how I can use others, their information, then look in my heart for my own truth.
BEING FREE, free to be me, free from the judgement, blame, guilt that has been a huge part of my past for generations, because of the indoctrination of society and all that comes with it. No more have to's, should's, what if's. I have woken up and can see things for what they are......it is an illusion of our perception. I can do what ever I want and dream of what ever I want to see happen and it will! We have a choice.
The community I want to be part of is one where we grow together in peace, love and harmony always celebrating each other, always being open to new questions and each others different perspectives, always being open to new and creative ways of doing things and moving towards the most sustainable options. Focussing on positive solutions and how to put them in place whether thought or action as they are more often than not melded together.
Mackay Learners https://www.facebook.com/groups/397982793615213/ has been that for myself and the girls who call me "Mum". The supportive, nurturing people in this group are absolutely amazing. We learn together, we grow together and explore our world to create our dreams. Mackay Learning Circle through SelfDesign www.selfdesign.com has been a supportive on line community where we have been able to explore our inner most feelings and let go of limiting belief systems. The tools and strategies and most importantly mentors have meant I have awakened to my potential and can see I am already flooded with light :) I am here now with everything I need, everything from here on in is a bonus as I see the positive in all that I come across whether it is something for me to accelerate some growth or remove limitations or something to bask in the beauty of what is.
Now we are moving on in our adventure we call life, we move back to New Zealand (after four years in Australia) with so many new friends, so much personal growth, so open to possibilities that will happen in any way we choose. I have clarity around how I can live my truth in this world and know that there is certainly so much "living" to be done. I feel my power to create the world around me that I want, I feel the strength that is in others that can be of help through the challenging times. I see those that do not help me and can move on from these people and allow them to create the journey they choose as it is their choice.
I have 5yo on my lap as I am finishing this writing, she choose not to go with her Dad (my incredible loving partner in this life) to the beach with little sister. She is attempting to draw some pictures and alternating between enjoying this process and celebrating with herself and me and scribbling all over it angrily wanting it to be a certain way hmmmmm what is going on here......living..... this is it, contrast ebbs flows being with what is, loving them exactly where they are, loving ourselves exactly where we are.
Why? and How? Because it is so much easier to make my decision and choices in each moment when I am aware of what matters most.
What? LOVE that is all that matters, it is simple! Come from a place of love and from your heart and the choice for each action or thought comes naturally and easily. If you are not sure how to do this , stay very still, listen and observe your breathing, slow it down, feel your heart then you will know what needs to be done next in each moment and all is great :) Relationships will be deeper with more meaning, connections will remain strong and loving, creations will be imaginative and inspiring!
This moment I felt the need to write, I want to share my journey towards Self Love and Love of all that is because by doing this I am validating who I am and not hiding, thinking no one would want to hear me go on about MY life.....this is not about me we are all connected every thing we do is for each other and the earth. If you can't imagine that think of the children step into their shoes and look at yourself, is this what you want them to be seeing? They see us all of us, thought and action!
Now I am beginning to understand the impact ALL my actions and thoughts have I can begin to really take RESPONSIBILITY for myself and part of that is going to mean sharing this journey from being born into a family of school teachers intrenched in the system, to becoming a school teacher, and then breaking free and moving towards really being MYSELF and not answering to or looking for answers from anyone else and knowing that especially institutions and systems are not a place for finding who I am. I am so grateful for where I have come from as this is also me at the same time it has given me the contrast of what I want to move away from and understanding of how I can use others, their information, then look in my heart for my own truth.
BEING FREE, free to be me, free from the judgement, blame, guilt that has been a huge part of my past for generations, because of the indoctrination of society and all that comes with it. No more have to's, should's, what if's. I have woken up and can see things for what they are......it is an illusion of our perception. I can do what ever I want and dream of what ever I want to see happen and it will! We have a choice.
The community I want to be part of is one where we grow together in peace, love and harmony always celebrating each other, always being open to new questions and each others different perspectives, always being open to new and creative ways of doing things and moving towards the most sustainable options. Focussing on positive solutions and how to put them in place whether thought or action as they are more often than not melded together.
Mackay Learners https://www.facebook.com/groups/397982793615213/ has been that for myself and the girls who call me "Mum". The supportive, nurturing people in this group are absolutely amazing. We learn together, we grow together and explore our world to create our dreams. Mackay Learning Circle through SelfDesign www.selfdesign.com has been a supportive on line community where we have been able to explore our inner most feelings and let go of limiting belief systems. The tools and strategies and most importantly mentors have meant I have awakened to my potential and can see I am already flooded with light :) I am here now with everything I need, everything from here on in is a bonus as I see the positive in all that I come across whether it is something for me to accelerate some growth or remove limitations or something to bask in the beauty of what is.
Now we are moving on in our adventure we call life, we move back to New Zealand (after four years in Australia) with so many new friends, so much personal growth, so open to possibilities that will happen in any way we choose. I have clarity around how I can live my truth in this world and know that there is certainly so much "living" to be done. I feel my power to create the world around me that I want, I feel the strength that is in others that can be of help through the challenging times. I see those that do not help me and can move on from these people and allow them to create the journey they choose as it is their choice.
I have 5yo on my lap as I am finishing this writing, she choose not to go with her Dad (my incredible loving partner in this life) to the beach with little sister. She is attempting to draw some pictures and alternating between enjoying this process and celebrating with herself and me and scribbling all over it angrily wanting it to be a certain way hmmmmm what is going on here......living..... this is it, contrast ebbs flows being with what is, loving them exactly where they are, loving ourselves exactly where we are.
Sunday, 6 January 2013
She could start school now???
2013 and Grace will be five in March, therefore is of school age. Observing my thoughts around this have been an eye opener in itself. I keep reminding myself it has only been really since Grace was two that I woke up to this new awareness of how life could be. Before then I was still in the classroom teaching two days a week since she was 10 months old so my deschooling journey only began 3 years ago, probably more like the first Conscious Parenting conference I attended in 2011. And what a journey it has been, rethinking EVERYTHING, every little thing from the moment I wake up in the morning to notice what kind of attitude I have to what I eat for breakfast which has gone through so many massive changes trying to work out what fits ME and not what I think I "should" be eating because it is "healthy". Even what time I go to bed at night (yes I was one of those with a strict bedtime for myself lol).
So Grace now has freedom to choose what she eats, choose when she needs her rest, choose what activities she will pursue in any given moment and hence choose what, when and how her learning will happen. Only she knows these things, I can find out by asking though she is the one who needs to learn what works for her and what better time to start than now. Learning is life I mean.... living in the moment, being excited by what transpires or allowing the tears to flow if need be. Emotions have also been set free and allowed the space they deserve, this has been the hardest one for me to acknowledge that yes I have emotions and no they don't disappear miraculously if you ignore them!
My thoughts around school have ranged from reassuring myself we are on the right path choosing to be Natural Learners to maybe I could teach Grace just a little bit of math as I know it will be helpful. Needless to say I ignore all of the above and follow my deep down instinct which is to trust Grace in her path. She alone knows which way to follow and I can observe, support and encourage and this which brings me immense joy.
When I am in a doubting moment I bring myself back to the present by observing the girls playing or joining in if they allow. Or carrying on with my daily tasks with deep breathes and attention to my movements. Thats when I feel most grateful as the energy flows effortlessly and my body relaxes and feels genuinely at peace. Life is not hard it is easy when living NOW, this moment is always so beautiful and full of aliveness all around, when we are doing what we really want to do in each moment there is no need for guilt, shame, fear or any other negative emotion as there is only joy, excitement, happiness and creativity. I see this often when the girls play, they laugh out loud, become so immersed in their imaginations, move to the sounds around them, jump, roll, swing their limbs........can you tell I have really been Observing for Loving and noticing all that they do, this helps me with this journey back to SELF :)
So Grace now has freedom to choose what she eats, choose when she needs her rest, choose what activities she will pursue in any given moment and hence choose what, when and how her learning will happen. Only she knows these things, I can find out by asking though she is the one who needs to learn what works for her and what better time to start than now. Learning is life I mean.... living in the moment, being excited by what transpires or allowing the tears to flow if need be. Emotions have also been set free and allowed the space they deserve, this has been the hardest one for me to acknowledge that yes I have emotions and no they don't disappear miraculously if you ignore them!
My thoughts around school have ranged from reassuring myself we are on the right path choosing to be Natural Learners to maybe I could teach Grace just a little bit of math as I know it will be helpful. Needless to say I ignore all of the above and follow my deep down instinct which is to trust Grace in her path. She alone knows which way to follow and I can observe, support and encourage and this which brings me immense joy.
When I am in a doubting moment I bring myself back to the present by observing the girls playing or joining in if they allow. Or carrying on with my daily tasks with deep breathes and attention to my movements. Thats when I feel most grateful as the energy flows effortlessly and my body relaxes and feels genuinely at peace. Life is not hard it is easy when living NOW, this moment is always so beautiful and full of aliveness all around, when we are doing what we really want to do in each moment there is no need for guilt, shame, fear or any other negative emotion as there is only joy, excitement, happiness and creativity. I see this often when the girls play, they laugh out loud, become so immersed in their imaginations, move to the sounds around them, jump, roll, swing their limbs........can you tell I have really been Observing for Loving and noticing all that they do, this helps me with this journey back to SELF :)
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