Children and Choice

Children arrive in this world perfect in every way and every single one is different, as we all have unique gifts to share with the world. They are a bundle of reliance on us as the parent and they know it is perfect. Being nurtured and cared for every minute is how it is going to be, why would they feel otherwise, born into this place with such loving caring parent/s.

Then we f*** it up for them. We start telling them right from the start how it is going to be, we start telling them what the world looks like and behaves like, we start telling them what is expected of them. Just like what was done to us right from the start and just like that voice in our head tells us……expectation, judgement, guilt, shame.

Why oh why do that, can’t we leave this child, brand new to the earthside world in their pure understanding of perfection? Can’t we leave them believing they have it all and everything is possible?

The one who is a daughter to me, when just gone 3 years old said “Why not?” I had no real authentic reason to respond to that! So then I made a conscious CHOICE to say YES to it all.

Yes life is perfect just the way it is, yes we have everything we need right here right now, yes you can have that chocolate for breakfast, yes we can go to the park right now, yes you can stay up until you are ready for sleep, yes you can watch that tv show for the tenth time…..yes yes yes. Why could I say yes to all these things because we have a CHOICE, it is their choice for the taking and my choice to support and advocate for both my daughters to have what ever they need in their experience in the moment.

And guess what…….the world didn’t blow up in my face because I was a bad mother, in fact the children started to respond to the yes’s by being much happier and more fun to be around, I started to become more happy and fun to be around! We started to feel this (for me) new found freedom and explore the world in ways I didn’t know was possible. I was learning a whole new way to be in this world that they already knew and I LOVE it! We were learning every moment, every moment being an opportunity for growth and learning. I feel energized, free and liberated.

Freedom to choose is living life to its fullest, why do we take this away from children right at the get go. What makes them so different to us in their capabilities to make choices? Even if they are a little unsure or unthoughtful in their choices how else are they going to learn this basic human trait if they haven’t been given their full right to exercise their brain, body and soul in this area. Isn’t it up to us to guide them with our more extended knowledge and then allow them to forge their own path?

If you hold on to any power over in your relationship with your child by choosing for them there will be repercussions in the form of rebellion, addiction, hatred, fear……who wants that?

So here we are giving ourselves the choice to do anything we want anytime we want……..so how does that look without their being a whole lot of crazy repercussions.

I am also being a role model for balance, choosing predominantly food that is going to nourish me and encouraging them with what this can look like, I choose to balance between outdoor active fun and indoor time with technology rest and sleep, I choose to challenge myself to use my brain and think outside the box for inner growth and expansion, I choose to nourish my soul by giving myself the time or activities I need to live in a place of thrival, I choose to ask for help and support when needed to move through challenges that are faced, I choose to be grateful for what I have in this moment and see the abundance everywhere.

Awakening

Its happening I am here right now feeling alive and present in my aliveness and possibilities for adventure in each moment.

Why? and How? Because it is so much easier to make my decision and choices in each moment when I am aware of what matters most.

What? LOVE that is all that matters, it is simple! Come from a place of love and from your heart and the choice for each action or thought comes naturally and easily. If you are not sure how to do this , stay very still, listen and observe your breathing, slow it down, feel your heart then you will know what needs to be done next in each moment and all is great :) Relationships will be deeper with more meaning, connections will remain strong and loving, creations will be imaginative and inspiring!

This moment I felt the need to write, I want to share my journey towards Self Love and Love of all that is because by doing this I am validating who I am and not hiding, thinking no one would want to hear me go on about MY life.....this is not about me we are all connected every thing we do is for each other and the earth. If you can't imagine that think of the children step into their shoes and look at yourself, is this what you want them to be seeing? They see us all of us, thought and action!

Now I am beginning to understand the impact ALL my actions and thoughts have I can begin to really take RESPONSIBILITY for myself and part of that is going to mean sharing this journey from being born into a family of school teachers intrenched in the system, to becoming a school teacher, and then breaking free and moving towards really being MYSELF and not answering to or looking for answers from anyone else and knowing that especially institutions and systems are not a place for finding who I am. I am so grateful for where I have come from as this is also me at the same time it has given me the contrast of what I want to move away from and understanding of how I can use others, their information, then look in my heart for my own truth.

BEING FREE, free to be me, free from the judgement, blame, guilt that has been a huge part of my past for generations, because of the indoctrination of society and all that comes with it. No more have to's, should's, what if's. I have woken up and can see things for what they are......it is an illusion of our perception. I can do what ever I want and dream of what ever I want to see happen and it will! We have a choice.

The community I want to be part of is one where we grow together in peace, love and harmony always celebrating each other, always being open to new questions and each others different perspectives, always being open to new and creative ways of doing things and moving towards the most sustainable options. Focussing on positive solutions and how to put them in place whether thought or action as they are more often than not melded together.

Mackay Learners https://www.facebook.com/groups/397982793615213/  has been that for myself and the girls who call me "Mum". The supportive, nurturing people in this group are absolutely amazing. We learn together, we grow together and explore our world to create our dreams. Mackay Learning Circle through SelfDesign www.selfdesign.com has been a supportive on line community where we have been able to explore our inner most feelings and let go of limiting belief systems. The tools and strategies and most importantly mentors have meant I have awakened to my potential and can see I am already flooded with light :) I am here now with everything I need, everything from here on in is a bonus as I see the positive in all that I come across whether it is something for me to accelerate some growth or remove limitations or something to bask in the beauty of what is.

Now we are moving on in our adventure we call life, we move back to New Zealand (after four years in Australia) with so many new friends, so much personal growth, so open to possibilities that will happen in any way we choose. I have clarity around how I can live my truth in this world and know that there is certainly so much "living" to be done. I feel my power to create the world around me that I want, I feel the strength that is in others that can be of help through the challenging times. I see those that do not help me and can move on from these people and allow them to create the journey they choose as it is their choice.

I have 5yo on my lap as I am finishing this writing, she choose not to go with her Dad (my incredible loving partner in this life) to the beach with little sister. She is attempting to draw some pictures and alternating between enjoying this process and celebrating with herself and me and scribbling all over it angrily wanting it to be a certain way hmmmmm what is going on here......living..... this is it, contrast ebbs flows being with what is, loving them exactly where they are, loving ourselves exactly where we are.

She could start school now???

2013 and Grace will be five in March, therefore is of school age. Observing my thoughts around this have been an eye opener in itself. I keep reminding myself it has only been really since Grace was two that I woke up to this new awareness of how life could be. Before then I was still in the classroom teaching two days a week since she was 10 months old so my deschooling journey only began 3 years ago, probably more like the first Conscious Parenting conference I attended in 2011. And what a journey it has been, rethinking EVERYTHING, every little thing from the moment I wake up in the morning to notice what kind of attitude I have to what I eat for breakfast which has gone through so many massive changes trying to work out what fits ME and not what I think I "should" be eating because it is "healthy". Even what time I go to bed at night (yes I was one of those with a strict bedtime for myself lol).

So Grace now has freedom to choose what she eats, choose when she needs her rest, choose what activities she will pursue in any given moment and hence choose what, when and how her learning will happen. Only she knows these things, I can find out by asking though she is the one who needs to learn what works for her and what better time to start than now. Learning is life I mean.... living in the moment, being excited by what transpires or allowing the tears to flow if need be. Emotions have also been set free and allowed the space they deserve, this has been the hardest one for me to acknowledge that yes I have emotions and no they don't disappear miraculously if you ignore them!

My thoughts around school have ranged from reassuring myself we are on the right path choosing to be Natural Learners to maybe I could teach Grace just a little bit of math as I know it will be helpful. Needless to say I ignore all of the above and follow my deep down instinct which is to trust Grace in her path. She alone knows which way to follow and I can observe, support and encourage and this which brings me immense joy.

When I am in a doubting moment I bring myself back to the present by observing the girls playing or joining in if they allow. Or carrying on with my daily tasks with deep breathes and attention to my movements. Thats when I feel most grateful as the energy flows effortlessly and my body relaxes and feels genuinely at peace. Life is not hard it is easy when living NOW, this moment is always so beautiful and full of aliveness all around, when we are doing what we really want to do in each moment there is no need for guilt, shame, fear or any other negative emotion as there is only joy, excitement, happiness and creativity. I see this often when the girls play, they laugh out loud, become so immersed in their imaginations, move to the sounds around them, jump, roll, swing their limbs........can you tell I have really been Observing for Loving and noticing all that they do, this helps me with this journey back to SELF :)